Vaccination Conspiracy Hypotheses

Arielle Isaac Norman
2 min readFeb 26, 2021

A lot of people I know say they don’t want to take the vaccine yet, if ever. For some, the idea is to let others take it first, to make up for the truncated testing and approval process this new mRNA thingy went through. And, I suspect, on some level there’s a sour grapes dynamic playing out amongst those of us who won’t be offered the chance to take it till last anyway.

For many others though, they don’t plan to take it at all, as they fear that some powerful and malevolent forces are sneaking in, along with the inoculation, anything from poison to a mind control device.

The cost-benefit analysis for those of us who will be offered the vaccine last also skews toward preferring to wait to take it. I am youngish and healthy and don’t work at a hospital, so my chances of being exposed to the virus and having a particularly bad outcome if I am are quite low. Chancing the possible side effects, much less any sinister plots that might unfold, looks less desirable than letting everyone else get vaccinated, rendering the virus impotent. This is, I believe, at least a semi-reasonable position, and regardless, for the time being, any reasoning we the young and healthy do is moot.

The more conspiratorial hypothesis does strike a chord with part of my brain, if only the part that produces a smidge more dopamine than average. Would I put it past the Pedophile Elite to conspire with one another to play out some evil machinations? I don’t know. For one thing, I don’t think their robotics technology is good enough quite yet to render us worker ants expendable.

But what I want to ask this kind of anti-vaxxer is: how do you know “they” aren’t going to kill everyone who doesn’t take the vaccine? Perhaps this is a test to weed out the defiant and anti-authoritarian chaff from the obedient and pro-social wheat.

Maybe anyone who doesn’t paint that lamb’s blood on their door will fall prey to the next and much worse virus “they” release. If there is a cabal of people rich, powerful, and evil enough to purposefully release a global pandemic in order to persuade us to give up civil rights, control more of the economy, elicit our mindless compliance and then use their vaccines to control the minds of and/or kill the masses — as opposed to those in power merely taking advantage of a horrible lab accident to achieve all but that lattermost goal — then isn’t it at least as likely that they’d choose instead to kill everyone who refused to bend the knee?

If you’re going to be paranoid, go nuts.

Arielle Isaac Norman

Comedian and podcaster (Gender Fluids & Wrong Questions Only)