What do you mean by how you are internally? Like, all i can really say is that i experience dysphoria when wearing clothes designed for feminine curves, or if someone gives me a gift that seems to be either not seeing my style at all or worse is an attempt to get me to conform to their version of what "women" wear, or even just wearing a towel around my whole body and not just wrapped around my waste, or if i'm naked in front of people. Other than that, in some ways i'm masculine, in other feminine, depending mostly on who i'm with, and definitely depending somewhat on where i'm at in my cycle. I gravitate toward boy characters a lot, or i used o when i was a kid and spent more time choosing characters on video games or ad&d or wherever. But i also grew up singing musicals - still do - and so i've always been so used to singing from and identifying with the perspectives from boys and girls, men and women. I guess i just think of myself as a somewhat fluid lesbian ken doll. I just wish we could all figure out how to expand the possibilities for our lives without so much grief around how other people think of us and see us. Anyway, i should probably just be writing an essay right now instead of rambling on here.